How do you deal with your anger?
First of all, did you know that your anger makes you a slave? How come? Well, when you are angry, you’re more likely to make mistakes that we will end up regretting later. I know from my own experience. Anger blinds us to the future and the consequences of our actions in the moment, effectively overriding our rational or higher selves and making ourselves slaves to our subconscious. Anger makes us act in a way that feels gratifying in the short term, but takes us away from our long-term ideals.
Secondly, anger cannot be slowed down because it is a binary emotion. The emotion of anger has a forward momentum that is far more extreme than other emotions. The moment you realize you are angry, you are already under its control. When you are in the middle of acting out anger, you don’t pay attention to any other course of action, and move headlong into a path of destruction and chaos. You don’t want to be calm when you are angry; anger justifies its own existence.
Thirdly, anger is contagious and can easily spread like a fire. Anger is very known for its ability to spread through a social group more than any other passion and when enough anger is present, the individuals become one larger angry organism and seem to work perfectly together with the unified vision of havoc.
Now when I provided you with the arguments in terms of the anger’s destructibility, I wish to share with you how you can lessen your attachment to this emotion. Pushing away from anger or disliking it is just a start. Nevertheless, you also need some end goal to move toward. That goal is the attainment of tranquillity which is a state of peace and quiet.
Recognize your anger triggers and learn to control them
The best way to treat the sickness as soon as it becomes apparent, at that time as well giving oneself the least freedom of speech and curbing emotion. Be mindful about our anger triggers that is to be aware of the events and situations that make you angry, this is important because you’ll respond more effectively to your anger when you feel prepared for it. Here are some common anger triggers:
* Being treated unfairly for example someone cutting in front of you in a queue or your boss gives you an inaccurate evaluation at work.
* Responding to time pressure and frustrations Like leaving a bit late for work and running into traffic or someone texting you while you are working.
* Experiencing dishonesty or disappointment such as your partner cheating on you your boss fails to give you the raise you were promised. Encountering threats to self-esteem like receiving a bad grade or getting rejected. Running into prejudice and discrimination, ex.racial or ethnic differences or a disability. Getting attacked such as being mugged or domestic violence or even just random accidents. Anticipating the possibility of anger increases your ability to express it more constructively. Hence the more mindful we become about our anger, the more we will be able to slow it down in the earliest stages of its onset.
The greatest cure for anger is to wait, so that the initial passion it engenders may die down, and the fog that shrouds the mind may subside, or become less thick. Anger is a poor guide to happiness. Anger interferes with problem-solving and good judgment, and makes you rash and rigid in your thinking. While fear drives us to flee, anger drives us to confrontation. Anger motivates revenge and retaliation. This is why even the most respected intellects can be reduced to repetitious expletives when enraged. Hence, whenever you feel you are about to get angry, remove yourself from the situation that is provoking you, or withhold all actions until you feel yourself in a completely tranquil state of mind. Sit on the angry email for a day or two before sending it; walk away from a fight where possible; and seek advice from a calm, ideally neutral, third party before taking any hostile action.
Use art and music to calm the mind
Hot-tempered people should avoid studies that are demanding, or at least engage in ones not liable to end in exhaustion. The mind should not occupy itself with hard tasks, but should be given over to pleasurable arts. If you are prone to frustration and anger, than finding art or music that soothes you will prove beneficial in your pursuit of a tranquil mind. In modern times we call this form of anger management so called expressive therapy than can encourage people to yell, scream and pound pillows to get out their built up anger. The pillows represent the people from their past and their unresolved anger issues. The term expressive therapy also refers to using creative arts as a method of managing anger. This type of therapy is also known as creative arts therapy and expressive arts therapy.
See yourself as an offender
Trying to see yourself in others is a great exercise for how to deal with anger. When we get angry, we are typically outraged at the actions of others. But in all likelihood, we have acted just like them at some point in our lives. Ask yourself – How many times have I acted badly? Have I ever acted violently? Have I ever said mean things to someone I later regretted? Have I ever manipulated someone?
Heal rather than punish
How much better it is to heal a wrong than to avenge one! Vengeance takes considerable time, and it exposes a man to many injuries while only one causes him resentment; we always feel anger longer than we feel hurt”. When someone directs their anger toward us, it’s very common to want to take revenge, to punish people for their wrongdoing. This is the idea behind having a prison system.
Choose your friends wisely
The people you habitually associate with, determines as much as 95% of your success or failure in life. Anger spreads faster than fire. Hence, if you know you are prone to anger, then you should not surround yourself with friends who trigger that anger or provoke you. Hence, why don’t you choose people who are honest, easygoing, and have self-control? Persons who will not arouse your anger and yet will tolerate it.
The provoker is someone that provokes someone in order to get a response or some type of reaction. Whether someone knows that they’re a provoker or even if it’s on some hidden subconscious level, they’re capable of just as much damage as someone that’s abusive. A provoker could be from our friends, from our colleagues or even from our family members. Many times, in those relationships, we even feel a struggle to leave, because we get so used to a person, and even when they’re toxic, we stay. It’s important to keep control over our lives, and remember that the goal is to achieve tranquillity of the mind. For which, we need to be happy in all of our relationships, including our friendships, and our family relationships. So surround yourselves with people that bring more joy into your lives, instead of creating more misery and turbulence for you. It is also smart to assess or resist the urge to be curious if you want to keep a peaceful mind. Even if you are surrounded by the most amazing people, you are curious to hear what your friend said about you, or curious to read the messages of your partner who was texting someone attractive. If your goal is to maintain a tranquil and undisturbed mind, you should not want to seek out information that will likely cause you despair.
Don’t seek reasons to be angry
We always give too much importance to ourselves. We live in a world of comfort and luxury. This eventually weakens us and makes us soft and thin-skinned. We frequently grow up spoilt or raising our children so and learn to expect things from the world – then get angry when those expectations aren’t met. We get angry at almost every minute thing. We get angry when we misplace our things, when we get cut off by bad drivers, or when one of our friends make inappropriate joke.
At such times, anger makes us feel perversely good. It makes us feel free. But these are all parts of life, and if we get angry every time our expectations about reality aren’t met we will surely live an angry existence. In order to deal with daily anger triggers, the Stoic’s practice what they call negative visualization. They visualized the worst-case scenario and all the things that could go wrong so that they would be ready for whatever may come, but also grateful for the times when negative occurrences were absent.
Do not seek reasons to be angry – seek reasons to be calm.
All our five senses should be trained to acquire strength; they are by nature capable of endurance, provided that the mind, which should be called daily to account for itself, does not persist in undermining them. When you reflect on your own character and actions you will gain a greater sensitivity or mindfulness toward how you think and what triggers you into negative emotions. You can start by keeping your anger journal. An anger diary or journal can be a useful tool to help you track your experiences with anger. Make daily entries into your diary that document the situations you encounter that angered you. In order to make the diary most useful, there are particular types of information you’ll want to record for each provoking event such as:
– What happened that gave you pain or made you feel stressed?
– What was provocative about the situation? What thoughts were going through your mind? On a scale of 0-100 how angry did you feel?
The purpose of your diary is to help you identify patterns of behaviour and specific recurring elements that really “push your buttons”. With daily self-reflection you can understand the ways in which you experience anger and plan strategies to cope with your emotions in more productive ways.