I don’t like
It’s November 2019, and it’s getting colder out there. Every day I’m getting busier and have have so much to take care of. I ask myself ”hey, do you really need to do all these stuff by yourself today? Why don’t you delegate or simply drop some’‘? Things like the job, taking care of home, grocery shopping, cleaning, handling my kids, my boss, husband, reading, writing, ..? How am I going to get all done?”
Sounds familiar? There’s so much in our daily schedules that we can complain about all the time. Nothing ever seems to go how we want it. Let’s be honest – life can be tough with its countless responsibilities and challenges. It is so easy to feel down, depressed and overwhelmed.
When you find yourself overwhelmed you may simply re-frame any given challenging situation. Situation you don’t like. What I mean is that you simply re-frame the content whereby the context remains unchanged.
Shape the content as you like
Re-framing is the art of choosing what give greatest significance to in any situation. You choose what some event or emotion may mean to you in any given moment, notably when you don’t like it. In other words, when things go wrong you search for what is good about situation and give the most attention. You look for how you can choose the situation rather than perceive yourself as a victim of it, as simple as that.
Imagine looking through a camera lens at beautiful scenes. It’s the autumn season, and you see the trees with their dry leaves, and their many panoramic colors. Now, focus in on one of those leaves. Set the camera on a dark, ugly dark spot and notice how shriveled and dried out the leaf appears. Now zoom back and re-frame again. You might see the dazzling colors, or you might notice the strong wind, chilling you to the bone. Really, the choice is yours. It’s all there, but what frame do you want to see?
Perception is projection
Re-framing means to examine situation with a different perspective. You can look at life in two ways – as a burden or as an opportunity for your growth. We can look at our many responsibilities as overwhelming. Or, we can be happy, that we are healthy, strong, capable, and physically and emotionally fit to do them in due time. We can see the coldness of the onset of the winter, or we can appreciate that we are alive once the change of the season. We can complain the fact that we need to work, clean, cook, or we can appreciate that we have home, family, work, food, home, etc.
You can use the re-framing method anytime you need to handle some sort of disappointment.
Let me give you an example what I mean:
Suppose a creamy and delicious cup cake is sitting on your dining room table. How you react to that cup cake waiting for you to be tasted is actually related to what you believe about sweets and desserts.
-A person who suffers from diabetes may see the cake as a food to be strictly avoided due to health reason.
– A person on a strict diet regime may see the cake as a symbol of failure.
-A typical individual might see the cake as a reward for a hard day’s work.
And so on…
Any situation can be re-framed from ”I have to be patient with my boss ’cause he gets upset very quickly and it annoys me’‘ (negative context) to ”Yeah, it’s a hassle being patient with my boss, however, with little efforts I put in by listening him with an interest because he likes it, I may profit out of a given situation – ask him to raise my salary or sign some important papers for you’‘ (positive context). Whatever. The day will be challenging and filled with the same activities. Nevertheless, you always have choice to perceive the situation or an event with different glasses. It’s really up to you.
Opt for positive thoughts
People do forget or in most cases they’re simply not aware of that we all have a mental faculty to choose in how we are affected by some events we don’t like and that may affect us emotionally. What affects us is not an event itself (context) but rather its content, or how do we respond to the event.
Thus, think positively and you will receive a positive outcome. Think good and it will be good rather than complaining about all the bad in your life, you will actually see how good your life really is.
It takes a bit of practice to get into the re-framing habit but do you have an alternative? Hence, decide for yourself that it’s a high time to get rid from playing a role of ”victim of circumstances ” of a bad weather, nasty boss, dynamic kid, world disasters, corrupted government, etc. and take the responsibility.