We are all frequently struggling with our inner-self, to remain under control, not to cross the line to be rude, while bursting inside ourselves and counting till ten not to react. I know how does it feel.
Hence, is there a time to say to a person , ”now, it’s enough”! ? In your response, you may wonder are the two necessarily mutually exclusive?
Who is a ”nice person and how do we define them”? You may agree with me that we can talk about such a persons for someone who cares about others and is sensitive to their feeling. But genuinely and sincerely, rather than faking. We have all met these sort of individuals. These are the people we love – people who are selfless and seeing beyond their own wishes and putting the needs of others before their own. These are the people we love to be around, for sure.
Can the two co-exist? Hmmm. We like to view ourselves as considerate people who willingly give up our seat to the elderly in tram or who generously toss few Euros or Kunas to a homeless. We also value talking politely and criticizing sparingly, until…that is, we have run-in with someone who is strongly takes advantages of our ”good heart”.
Ever challenged situation where you are being neglectful to yourself or member of your family by tending to the caprice of fussy Uncle Ivan, critical cousin Sara and very selfish friend Maja? Are you being considerate by being ”yes woman or man ” to your boss or superior opinions or by kowtowing to your titanically co-worker’s quirks?
There are times when decidedly ”un-nice” behavior is the best response – With a sly person, be sly! To achieve the greater goal, the correct response may be to deal deceitfully or arrogantly or selfishly, with a person who only understands that a negative language . With people who can not see beyond the little circle of their ego, ask yourself is being nice and fair and correct approach or will a more stern method ultimately achieve more greater good? How do you draw the line? Maybe the answer lies in evaluating your motives? Ask yourself, why be nice? Do you believe this is the right way to approach my life? Or do you just want to be thought of as a nice person? Do you genuinely believe that your child should share his toys with other kids, or is it your fear of him as being labelled as the ill-mannered bully?
Why are you giving a rubber stamp approval to your friend or co-worker? Is it because you agree with what he/she is doing, or are you reluctant to appear disagreeable? Why are you generously offering your time to others – do you want to be considered kind or do you genuinely believe in the cause? Ask yourself.
Let’s put aside our kids and demonstrate on ourselves the backbone to stand strong,whether that means having the courage to act with kindness and sensitivity (which should by the way be always our default in my view) or, to act with deceitful slyness or gruff severity to those that only understand that language – to achieve the best outcome.
Some of the most self-centered and self-absorbed persons look strong on the outside, but believe me, inside they are so weak and vulnerable, and completely incapable of overcoming their personal biases and caprice , whereby, some of the nicest,kindest persons may seem weak on the outside but have determination within to do the right thing . Whether that means saying an ”accommodating ”yes” -in most cases , or an unkind and stiff ”no”. Not because they are affected by how others will view them but how the Creator does.
What do You think – when it’s time to stop being nice?