Habits and Behaviour of Unhappy and Miserable People

It is said that happiness is a state of mind and to a certain extent, that’s true. However, I believe that whether we are happy or unhappy is more about whether good or bad habits we human beings have. Unhappy people tend to have destructive habits in their lives.

Although we are all living in a very challenging time, we notice and see unhappiness at every corner. From your always hipped  neighbour who never tell you ‘’Good Morning-How are you?’’, unpolite or rude and impatient person standing behind you at the supermarket, to the bank employee who looks like he would rather be anywhere else at. The only difference between people in a good mood walking down the street seemingly without a care in the world and people next to them feeling helpless and consumed in misery is the choices they make each and every day.

Each choice repeated many times will become your habit – good or bad and destruvive one. Habits dictate everything in our lives – from our experiences to our outcomes and everything in between. From my professional experience as a holistic psychotherapist, let me share with you my reflexions about some of the most frequent negative and destructive habits that we can attach to really miserable and unhappy people. I am sure you don’t want be one of them, do you?

Fear not

Unhappy people have an  overwhelming fear of criticism. It means that they their days worrying about what others think about them and will go to great lengths to look good or save face. The ironic part is that those same people are so consumed worrying about what you think of them, that they aren’t actually thinking about.

Be kind to yourself and think also about your needs

Most of the times, they live to please other people. This is really a devastating habit because you choose to live your life trying to make everyone happy while in turn, fail to make yourself happy.

Worry is useless

They worry too much and worrying is a choice like everything else. Worry is such a waste of time yet causes so much unhappiness. Worry is nothing but fear and fear is nothing but an  excuse not to take the responsibility for your life and embrace something. Hence, waste not your precious time worrying about things you have no control over.

Reframe negative self-talk into positive one

They engage in negative self-talk. As a matter of fact, all actions derive from what we tell ourselves on a daily basis, since unhappy people have the habit of telling themselves things like “I cannot do it’’, I don’t know how”, “It’s too hard”. What you can do is to learn how to rephrase these negative into positive thoughts. You must practice it and even if you catch yourself being negative many times, and you decide to be a happier person, you have to start making those changes.

You are not your job

They define themselves by their job, social status, title, etc. The fact is that according to social researches two third of people actually hate their job. That’s a sad fact because in a society where we tend to view ourselves by what we do for a living rather than who we actually are, it’s an underlying problem. Problem that leads us to the inability to separate ourselves from our professions.

Learn how to develop optimistic view to life

They tend to be  pessimist because their pessimism is the result of negative habits developed over a number of years. As outlined, negative habits are very hard to kick because it becomes so ingrained in your mind, that in any situation, your first thought or reaction is a negative one. If you want to become more optimistic person it’ll require you to develop new mental skills and retrain your entire thought process to see opportunity instead of struggle.

Focus on today

They let the past dictate their future. It means that if you happen to have a past riddled with negativity and bad experiences, your personality mirrors this. Nobody can change one’s past. Allowing yourself to stay attached to it will only drag you down. Learn to let go of things out of your control and focus on today asking yourself – What can I accomplish today?

Move on and be active

They tend to be inactive. People who are psychically active and exercise are in a better mood than those who don’t. Sitting at a desk all day only to follow it with sitting on your couch is not conducive to put you in a good mood. So, why don’t you get up, go outside, move around, take a walk, ride your bike. Chemical substances produced in our brain endorphins will be released during activity play a big role in your mood. Thus, get active!

Learn from your mistakes

They tend to be vain and have difficulties to  forgive and forget. In most cases I have found  persons with some type of personality disorder in this respect.  Harbouring ill feelings towards someone or something is like carrying a heavy suitcase on your shoulder.  Although we all have had some bad experiences that have left a bitter taste in our mouth. Nevertheless, forgiveness is the solution and is an incredibly powerful concept. Even though you have been wronged or made a bad decision in your life, learn from it and move on.


Mostly unhappy people tend to perfectionism. Trying to pursue perfection in all that you do may sound like a good thing. However, taken too far, can be highly detrimental to your mental  health and trigger some kind of neurosis disorders. Perfectionism is not healthy because it  can lead you to a host of mental health issues such as anxiety, eating disorder, depression. In other words, to chronic unhappiness. Instead being a chronic perfectionist, set up your goal to start to improve and grow personally every day to be a better persons for yourself and for other people who need you.

You are born to be happy

Happiness is definitely our choice. Nevertheless, we must first choose to learn, develop and adopt healthy habits and get rid ourselves of all those bad ones. It certainly takes a lot of personal efforts, time and daily practices notably if you tend to be a lifelong cynic.

If you have recognized yourself in any of these traits, take a hard look at the quality of your life and think about it – ‘’Do I really want to pursue such a miserable life’’? Do you?




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Mirella Rasic Paolini, Holistički terapeut