Did you know that we move into one or more of four modes of behaviors and reactions when we are under pressure? Hence, we either tend to blame others, appease them, distract their attention or become cool/cold and very reasonable?
So, the Blamer mode (”It’s all her fault”) finds fault with anyone and everyone else, but himself/herself of course.
The Appeaser (”I am so sorry, but…”) takes the blame on himself and tends to apologize to others for upsetting them.
The Distracter (tries to distract people’s attention as a way of defusing tension and inter personal conflict, while the Computer mode avoids responding emotionally and focus on facts.
Sound familiar? In what category would you place yourself when you experience stress , in other words, when things go wrong or when you are not getting what you want?
Most of us move onto automatic pilot and thus fall into one of these four modes. If you ask me which is the best or worst mode? None of these actually as each one has its strengths and weaknesses. This is why Virginia Satir, an American therapist known for her approach to a family therapy that was also modeled by the two pioneers to create NLP – came up wit the 5th mode called Leveler which is actually not being a stress mode but rather an approach to aim for the skill to develop. Leveler mode means that we are crossing to act in a manner which is appropriate to the situation.
What’s Your Stress mode? The fact is that we can’t have all but we can always be in charge of how we deal with our life as well as of our attitude towards what is going on around us, can we?